On Kids, and the stuff that goes with them

21Nov07

I want kids. A startling realization for me, in part because I now want kids almost as much as I want my PhD. Which, five years ago would have been unheard of, and five months ago was still pretty much a non-starter.

Forgive the randomness that I’m sure will ensue here, but that’s what happens when I think about delving into motherhood.

Despite the intense desire to have kids, which has been helped along a great deal by research into midwives, doulas, and the least possible medical intervention, I know that now isn’t the time.

And God willing, God agrees with me. I am a firm believer in planning as little as possible, that way, my plan has much less chance of interfering with God’s plan. But this plan, to finish my masters, and at least know where I want to do my PhD work before we have kids, seems to be on the agreeable side of God’s plan. Because, thus far, things are still moving steadily according to my plan. A strange thing indeed, considering the “We plan, God laughs” motto that I’ve had going on for a while.

I have to figure that I’m sort of where I’m supposed to be, or well, our less than perfect NFP practice would soon be our less than perfect time to have a kid.

So for now, while I’m not researching Augustine’s Neo-Platonist ideas about Diving Illumination, and places to move, I’m researching ways to make sure I don’t have a c-section. Which will hopefully be made easier by my ABSOLUTE refusal to have an epidural. Nope, sorry, no one’s coming near me with a needle like that. Ever.

So, in honor if my sincere hope that I’m at least orbiting somewhere close to where I should be, I present a prayer from Thomas Merton. Who, coincidentally, wrote the introduction to my edition of St. Augustine’s De Civitatas Dei, you know, The City of God. Sorry, had to exercise the little bit of Latin I have learned.

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

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2 Responses to “On Kids, and the stuff that goes with them”

  1. Hey,

    I just put up a series of posts about Thomas Merton that I think you’d enjoy at:

    http://michaelkrahn.com/blog/thomas-merton/

  2. No matter if some one searches for his required thing, thus he/she needs to be available that in detail, so that thing is maintained over here.


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